We’re all a little broken. We’re all a little twisted. We’re all less than we could be or want to be.

I never thought this life was possible.

You’re the yellow bird that I’ve been waiting for.

Something is wrong inside me, I'm different than everybody else.

Eu. Vivo. Na. Minha. Cabeça.

You're stuck in my mind, all the time.

Sometimes, I wish I could fake my own death just to see if anyone would notice.

My family will never understand why I take 40 minute showers,
It's because 30 of those minutes is spent on the shower floor crying.

Is it happiness is so impossible, that you can't touch it even when it's close to you? Or is it emptiness is still so probable, that you're scared to even reach for it?

The Bible's blind, the Torah's deaf, the Qur'an is mute,
If you burned them all together you'd be close to the truth.

Haven't laughed this hard in a long time,
I better stop now before I start crying.

"Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one's head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no tomorrow. To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace."

IV

Que vontade de morrer. Deitar, e morrer.

Plath

Se a lua sorrisse, teria a sua cara.
Você também deixa a mesma impressão
De algo lindo, mas aniquilante.
Ambos são peritos em roubar a luz alheia.
Nela, a boca aberta se lamenta ao mundo; a sua é sincera,
E na primeira chance faz tudo virar pedra.
Acordo num mausoléu; te vejo aqui,
Tamborilando na mesa de mármore, procurando cigarros,
Desconfiado como uma mulher, não tão nervoso assim,
E louco pra dizer algo irrespondível.
A lua, também, humilha seus súditos,
Mas de dia ela é ridícula.
Suas reclamações, por outro lado,
Pousam na caixa do correio com regularidade encantadora,
Brancas e limpas, expansivas como monóxido de carbono.
Nem um dia se passa sem notícias suas,
Vadiando pela África, talvez, mas pensando em mim.

Neely O'Hara

And like Neely O'Hara, you swallow your sleep, and you wake up in the morning to find out you are not, you are not who, you are not who you used to be.

If Winter Ends

I dreamt of a fever, one that would cure me of this cold winter set heart, with heat to melt these frozen tears and burned with reasons as to carry on. Into these twisted months I plunge without a light to follow but I swear that I would follow anything, just get me out of here. And you get six months to adapt, and you get two more to leave town and in the event that you do adapt, we still might not want you around. But I fell for the promise, of a life with a purpose, but I know that that's impossible now. And so I drink to stay warm, and to kill selected memories, 'cause I just can’t think anymore about that or about her tonight. And I give myself three days to feel better, or else I swear I'll drive right off a fucking cliff, cause if I can’t learn to make myself feel better, how can I expect anyone else to give a shit? And I scream for the sunlight or car to take me anywhere, just get me past this dead and eternal snow, 'cause I swear that I'm dying, slowly, but its happening, and if the perfect spring is waiting somewhere, just take me there, just take me there, just take me there, and say and lie to me and say, and lie to me and say, it’s gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright.

"Não entendo quem tem medo da morte. A morte é a conclusão da vida. Quem tem medo de morrer tem medo de viver".

I spent way too much time in my head

Só quem já sentiu esse vaziou entende o que eu sinto.
Entende que eu vou dormir com vontade de nunca mais acordar,
que eu me excluo de todas as maneiras possíveis para não ter que ouvir ninguém falar,
que minhas dores são muito mais profundas do que um coração partido.
Não é você que passa o dia com vontade de chorar,
não é você que fecha os olhos esperando sumir,
não é você que passa o tempo contando que alguém te leve para um lugar melhor.

"That's how I learned the lesson, that everyone's alone".

Apple tree

You spent your WHOLE LIFE sweating in an endless fever, laying in a bathtub full of freezing water, wishing you were a GHOST.

Nothing but a fact

Minha confiança se define nos livros que eu leio, nas músicas que escuto, na minha família e na minha gata.